Bells and Whistles

I see that Teresa Heinz Kerry is predicting Bin Laden's capture sometime before the election, eh?

...Her lips to God's ears.

I have an idea. I know a way we can settle this whole election without anymore campaigning, without any debates, tv ads or talking-head pundit shows. Let's get W and John Kerry and trot them out before the nation on national television, strap them both to a polygraph and ask this simple question: "If Osama Bin Laden were captured tomorrow, would you be happy?"

Now of course I'm being glib here and this would never happen but what's really not funny is that we all know that John Kerry's machine would be a-ringing with lights and bells and whistles when he answered, "yes." Again...this is not funny. Let's really reflect on this. John Kerry, Democratic nominee for president of the United States of America, would meet the news of Bin Laden's capture with a feeling of dread and a subsequent puke. Think about it...

Shoot, let's strap Teresa and Laura to machines as well, while we're at it. And how about John Edwards?...Michael Moore?...Janine Garafolo?...Shoot, let's strap down the entire Screen Actors Guild! This could be fun. I'm all for a Constitutional Amendment that requires every American citizen to answer this question before the election. Anyone who triggers the bells and whistles, gets a brand new tar and feather suit! Loving it...loving it...