CBS Under Attack

A homicidal undead creature tentatively identified as the reanimated zombie of Marlene Dietrich has been on a murderous rampage through the offices of CBS Productions. The proximal cause seems to be CBS' decision to air the made for TV movie, "Amber Frey: Witness for the Prosecution" on May 25 of this year. Reached for comment, one CBS executive said, "Someone told me that it would make Marlene roll over in her grave, but I assumed that was a figure of speech." Another CBS employee who preferred to remain anonymous commented, "Many times our breaches of good taste have been trumpeted as a sign of the 'end times.' I always laughed that kind of thing off. I mean, no matter how far we lowered the bar I was confident we could lower it further. But when the dead start rising from the grave it does make you wonder." Executives at the competing networks could not be reached for comment.