Today is

   "A word to the wise ain't necessary --  
          it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
					-Bill Cosby

Thursday, December 15, 2005

From the "Is it just me?" files

I was asked recently by a pregnant friend whether I would be offended if the woman who was planning her baby shower hired a male stripper for the occasion. My first thought, of course, was "what, do I have a big sign on my forehead that reads 'Insufferable prude. Approach with caution'"? Then I realized that this is the friend who has always treated the fact of my actually practicing a religion as an exotic secret about me -- as something she has to mention sotto voce to others, as she would if she'd discovered I had eleven toes or a purple tail. I replied that I wouldn't be offended, which is technically true, but, all the same, I think I'll be either sick or out of town on the day of the shower.

While I'm not really offended by the idea of a stripper, I'm not really comfortable with it, either. The whole concept actually embarrasses me, for all sorts of reasons. I admire masculine beauty as much as the next woman, but I don't generally express my admiration by clapping, whooping, screaming, and waving dollar bills in the air. Call me crazy, but that strikes me as undignified; it even strikes me as, well . . . adolescent, and don't you think a baby shower is an occasion when one -- especially the mother-to-be herself -- might particularly wish to appear grown up? Then there's the whole degradation thing. Do I really have to defend myself on this point? It's not that I think sex is bad, as the caricaturists would have it, but that I think it's not cheap and tawdry and devoid of significance beyond the gratification of selfish appetites. Any who wish to characterize my attitude as prudish might find that I can repay the compliment by calling them vulgar brutes. But I wouldn't do that. It would be rude. Finally, there's an adolescent epater les bourgeois undercurrent to the celebration that quite depresses me, as if the whole bunch of them has decided they're not going to let parenthood squeeze them into the straightjacket of adulthood. I'd like to tell them all to accept their fate, for the sake of their children. But I wouldn't want to offend them.


Blogger stewdog said...

Yes, it is just you, you crazy prude. And worst of all, they canceled and you cost me a day's work.
Vulgarus Brutus Stewus Dogimus

December 16, 2005 6:26 AM  
Blogger Kate Marie said...

I'm laughing and shuddering at the same time.

December 16, 2005 10:48 AM  
Blogger Conservative in Virginia said...

Gads, even moms. Everything is turning to porn.

KM, if you lived here in what's left of God's country, I'd be proud to call you a friend. We could be proud prudes together, my family and yours.

Hey! Prude Pride! You think it could catch on?

December 16, 2005 11:09 AM  
Blogger Conservative in Virginia said...

BTW, you think this mom-to-be would mind if Stew and Wonder dogs brought in a female stripper to entertain the dad-to-be? She wouldn't be offended, would she?

December 16, 2005 11:10 AM  
Blogger Kate Marie said...

CIV, I love the Prude Pride idea! Maybe we can start a website and sell T-shirts saying "Prudes have more fun." We could reclaim the word "prude" in the same way homosexuals reclaimed the word "queer."

Good question about the female stripper, CIV. The thing is, I don't think she would mind -- or at least she would say she didn't mind, for fear of being thought a prude.

December 16, 2005 11:29 AM  
Blogger stewdog said...

I don't think it is so much a matter of prudery as occasion appropriate of which we speak. If we were bantering about a bachelorette party, there might be a begrudging acceptence and turning of the eyes. . but for a BABY SHOWER? Who goofed? I've GOT to know.

December 16, 2005 11:30 AM  
Blogger Kate Marie said...

Yes, Stewdog, the thing that bothered me most about it was that it was for a baby shower, and it wouldn't be quite so surprising in the context of a bachelorette party. But this is where your image of me and my hubby being straight out of the fifties (like the couple in Blast from the Past) comes in. Sadeeq and I had a co-ed bachelor/bachelorette party where everybody went bowling.

December 16, 2005 11:48 AM  
Blogger Jeff said...

Okay, I'm sorry, but you guys have gone way overboard this time--especially you, Kate Marie, especially you. For my money, there's truly nothing hotter than a pregnant woman drooling over a Chippendale dancer in a room full of onesies, breast pumps, and children's books.

Clearly, you abhor progress.

December 16, 2005 3:20 PM  
Blogger Kate Marie said...

Yes, Jeff, it kinda gives a whole new meaning to "Goodnight, Moon" and "Go, Dog, Go!" doesn't it? Actually, the title of almost *any* children's book becomes a horrible double entendre under the circumstances. ("Pat the Bunny"? Yikes.)

For your sake, though, I might reconsider my decision not to attend, so that I can take pictures of the drooling pregnant woman and post them here.

December 16, 2005 3:41 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

"Where the Wild Things Are"..."The Very Hungry Caterpillar"...

December 16, 2005 5:36 PM  

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