Grammy live blogging

I tuned into this show well into it and out of complete boredom.

Here goes.

Jamie Foxx and (I believe) Kanye West are dressed up in full marching band regalia, singing something about a gold digger. I feel like I'm watching "The Music Man" in Pottersville...

Earlier, Jay Z and Linkin Park were doing a "mash up" cut...and uh...Anyway, the crowd was hooting and hollering. The Linkin Park guy then segued into a rendition of the Beatles "Yesterday" and more hooting and hollering ensued. Paul McCartney then entered the stage and took over the verse and the crowd noise actually subsided in a "who's he?" sort of fizzle.

Herbie Hancock (wtf?) and Kristina Aguilera are doing a cabaret version of that "we were alone and I was singing this song for you" song. She's in an evening gown and platinum blonde hair (think Marilyn Monroe wannabe with a skanky degenerate twist). She's doing so many of those soul trill thingies that I can't even recognize the song. Please make it stop...

Here comes Fiona Apple (she looks like a crack whore), "Chuck D" and some guy named "Common". Here's best new artist. "Deez are da nahmanees y'all". Grammy goes to...some guy named John Legend. At least that's a name that doesn't have a dangling letter somewhere...He thanked God y'all. That's nice.

Now a montage of artists we've lost. Biggest roar was for Richard Pryor. Oddly, no one clapped for the white people in cowboy hats.

Okay...Now Queen Latifa is giving Richard Pryor a lifetime achievment award. Say what? I'm not getting this. Well, anyway, she said "he shook things up" so...I guess I missed that singing portion of his career. Now she said, "peace" and she's out. I am not moved. There it is.

Enter Bonnie Raitt and James Taylor...audience stunned. How did these old white people get in here? James Taylor looks pleasantly like the guy you'd see behind the counter in a country grocery store. He's a nice change from the bling bling shizzle shizzle characters. Here comes album of the year...U2 for "How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb". Wow. I've actually seen this band live. I'm still hip! I'm still cool! (Bono just said he's proud to be in the same room with Paul McCartney who "discovered the country we're living in"...McCartney just gave a look like he just heard someone speaking to him in chinese over a bad phone connection). Weird.

I thought the show would be over but there's some guy up there now talking about Katrina relief. He's urging everyone in attendance to go to New Orleans and make it thrive. I guess I'm just turning into a curmudgeon or something but if I saw these people descending en masse somewhere, I would expect to see them all carrying proverbial hell handbaskets. For your sake, New Orleans, I hope they do not listen to this man.

Show's over. Peace out y'all.