Oscar Blogging

At the request of Wonderdog, and a little late, I submit the following observations about the 79th Academy awards.
Opening Montage . . . nice shots. . interesting people. . could you possible use subtitles to tell us who the hell they are????
Scan to crowd. . .Doesn't seem to be any bleacher seats.
Ellen walks on, foreshadowing Melissa Etheridge and Jody Foster on this "El Word Night".
Um. . Ellen. . . wasn't that outfit banished by the Judge in My Cousin Vinny when Mr. Gambini showed up in court looking like a circus ringmaster? And what is with the white shoes before Memorial Day? OK. Ellen is a decent choice. Approachable. . sort of like one of us being picked to do the Oscars. But the opening monologue. . like the rest of the show is ponderous and in need of editing.
Please. . Lose the Gospel Choir! Oh No. Al Gore, the star of the night. . . Peter O'Toole. . hope the ambulance has the motor running.
Art Direction announced. Another "Who Cares" award. We don't want to see all these people we don't know thanking their mothers. Give us the stars in a 2 hour show.
Sort of funny skit with three comedians. . but am I watching the Oscars or the Tony's?
Make up. . of course Apocalypto didn't win. Can't give anything to Mel Gibson now, can we?
Short films announced. West Bank Story. Clever Idea. So is the Sound Choir.
Sound editing announced. Oh my god. Someone remembered the soldiers.
OK. . a real award we care about. Alan Arkin. Well deserved.
Cute bit with the script and Scorsesse, Ellen.
Melissa Etheridge. . politically correct song. . easily predictable winner.
(Just wondering. . how much energy did the planet give up to put on the show?)
Al Gore. . cute self effacing bit with the music coming up.
Like the bit on the writers. More montages please.
Adapted screenplay. "Valium does work". Yeah, pal. . especially if you take 4.
We have our dumb Hollywood moment of the night.
Cute Oscar Holder by Ellen.
I like the use of models for the costumes.
Time for Hollywood to pat itself on the back. Tom Cruse and the winner is Sheri Lansing.
Another cute bit by Ellen with the camera, Clint, and Spielberg.
Queen Gweneth arrives sans Apple.
Pan's Labyrinth wins. Looks like an interesting film.
Special effects. . Hollywood creates effect of a sober Robert Downey Junior.
Nice foreign film clips. More montages please.
Supporting actress. . Jennifer Holiday (haven't seen either movie, but is she really better than Cate Blanchette?)
HUGE SURPRISE OF THE NIGHT DOCUMENTARY INCONVENIENT TRUTH. . time for more prattle about the global climate disaster we are living under.
Nice montage for special award by the Italian guy.
Oh Oh Celine is going to sing. . time to wash some dishes.
OK Who dressed Quincy Jones? Stevie Wonder?
Babel just won something.
Little Miss Sunshine won for screenplay. Instead of droning on about Valium, this winner gives the nicest and tightest acceptance speech of the night.
Melissa wins as predicted. Drones on about her 'wife' (not that there is anything wrong with that).
Departed wins editing. Good. I liked that movie
Jody on. . At last, the necrology. . my favorite part of the night.
No surprise on actress. The Queen is crowned.
Forrest Whittaker. No big surprise there (although I thought maybe that Arkin's makeup award would foretell O'Toole's).
MARTY MARTY MARTY. It's about time, fellas.
OK, now time for the best picture. Oh No. These guys deserve better than Dianne Keaton. She is an idiot. THE DEPARTED. Yeah. . I saw 2 movies this year and that was one of it.
There you have it folks. The Oscars in Cliff Notes. I watch so you didn't have to. Too long. Relatively tame. One embarrassing Valium reference. No attacks on George Bush and Iraq. Only PC stuff was the predictable Global Warming.
Not Fair, Wonderdog. The Grammy's just have much more nonsense to satirize!