Intelligent Design Confirmed

Scientists at the Discovery Institute announced findings today that provide concrete proof of "intelligent design" in living organisms. "Our hypothesis was that the Designer would leave some clue of its presence in the fabric of creation, and that prediction proved correct," explained team leader Dr. Emil Shnookensticker. "We took the data from the Human Genome Project and converted the numeric encodings to Hebrew letters. Most of the resulting sequence was unintelligible, but as we scanned the code short snippets of undeniable language emerged. It appears that the actual act of creation was subcontracted out to the angelic host, thus on the fifth chromosome we found the sequence 'Bile duct brought to you by Azazael,' on the sixth we encountered 'Colon design by Team Uriel.' A full transcript of the human genome yields hundreds of similar patent and proprietary claims. Some angels seem to have taken liberties. Among the 'junk DNA' that is not expressed in actual physiological processes we found a recipe for 'Angel Food Cake' and messages that can only be described as angelic grafitti- 'For a good time call Lilith' and 'Gabriel blows,' for example." The President has been informed of the Institute's findings and plans to amend high school biology textbooks are in the works.