Topher Grace Must Die...
....if for no other reason than that he truncated the name "Christopher" to "Topher." What would be just? Nothing lingering, but enough to warn off other celebrities from such pretentious nonsense. The "Artist Formerly Known as Prince" debacle did enough damage to American civilization. In that instance I thought fairness would have seen retribution fall on anyone who actually used the "AFKP" sobriquet- especially IN PRINT. If the guy changes his name to an unpronounceable glyph, than dangit, in writing use the dang glyph. And in speech just say "Unpronouceable Glyph," as in..."Unpronounceable Glyph went into the recording studio today to record his new album, 'Inchoate Noise'....." As for Topher Grace, I would avoid mentioning him altogether, except to say something like "Topher Grace lost 5 of every 11 teeth today..."
posted by Madman of Chu | 3:16 PM | Permalink
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8 comments
8 Comments:
You go, Madman! I propose death, or perhaps branding, for celebrities who name their children after fruit or poodles (a la Apple Paltrow and Lulu Trixibelle Moore-Willis, or whatever the heck her name is).
Easy there, Madman. In the offensive names category, this hardly rates a mention. Not previously having known that Topher was short for Christopher, I must say that I appreciate the originality. In the interest of full disclosure, I also think he's a fine young actor in the dead-pan, Bob Newhart tradition (although he was pretty scary in Trafffic). How about middle-aged men calling themselves P-Diddy, The Edge or Michael Jackson?
- Dirtbiker for W
If you don't like nicknames, what, pray tell, are you going to do with Stewdog and Wonderdog on this blog?
I have no problem with Topher. He is wonderful on That 70's Show, one of the few things worth watching on the boob tube (and mostly for the father Red Foreman).
I also hear that he is great in the movie that is in current release. He's likely to emerge as the next Tom Hanks, who is the next Jimmy Stewart, so I think that you will have lots of Topher with which to deal.
Are we talking nickname or real name? Nicknames are fine, so long as you don't go naming your young'uns Bubba or Topher for real. They need real names for when they grow up. Pity the boy actually named "Bob" who can never be Robert. But mostly I pity the girls, who usually suffer more from dumb names than do boys. Ever seen a family where the boys are William and Richard, but the girls are Madison, Delaney, and Cheyenne? Yeesh.
Why, whatever do you mean, Conservative in Virginia? I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.
-Madison Cheyenne Delany-
Hey, Maddie, I bet you've got a hyphenated last name, too! What happens with Smith-Brown marries Jameson-Anin? You going to call the kid Longsworth Smith-Brown-Jameson-Anin?
If I were really anti-nickname I'd hardly go around calling myself Madman of Chu. As for "offensive," I said nothing about his name being offensive. I'd respect him more if he did use an offensive name like Flatus or...well, I'll leave it at that. Or something goofy like Fullo Grace or A. Mazen Grace (a la "stewdog" or "wonderdog"). Topher is just so wannabe-pseudosesquiartistic that it inspires nausea rather than genuine offense.
Tofu? Gracias.
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