Titanic?
You've gotta be kidding me.
I know these lists are meaningless, but somehow they're a heckuva lot of fun to talk about. Without further ado, I offer some random observations about the new A.F.I. list of American cinema's 100 greatest movies.
The other movies, besides Titanic, that I'd excise from the list completely:
2001: A Space Odyssey -- Umm, that's interesting. Those apes are freaking out to Richard Strauss. Hey look, that one just threw something into space. Now there are some uninteresting people, and Johann Strauss this time, and a soft-voiced computer, and . . . Cchhhhh, wheeeeee, ccchhhhhhh, wheeeee . . Wh--, What?! Oh, ahem, sorry. What did I miss?
Apocalypse Now -- Beautiful cinematography. A mess of a story. Coppola doesn't really understand Heart of Darkness. Mistah Brando. He crazy. Gotta love Robert Duvall, though. Nobody struts and preens on a battlefield like Robert Duvall.
West Side Story -- Nice music. Nice dancing. As Stephen Sondheim himself observed in another of his musicals, "Nice is different than good."
The Deer Hunter -- Isn't there only one scene that anyone remembers from this movie?
Network -- Why is Network so overrated? I don't know, but I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!
A Clockwork Orange -- A real knee-slapper of a rape scene in this one. Stanley Kubrick is outrageously overrepresented on this list, yet the list-makers missed the one Kubrick movie -- with the exception, perhaps, of Dr. Strangelove -- that deserves to be on it.
Tootsie -- Ummmm . . . I can't think of anything interesting enough to mock.
The Shawshank Redemption -- What's the deal with this movie? It was nice enough, I suppose, but seriously . . . is there some weird Shawshank cult out there that has infiltrated A.F.I.? Are they like Scientologists? Will the partisans of Shawshank try to sue me and have my blog shut down?
The Silence of the Lambs -- Not half as creepy or as well made as, say, The Night of the Hunter or the original Cape Fear, neither of which appears on the list. Go figure.
Easy Rider -- Hippie "art." It reminds me of macrame plant hangers. It should be replaced by Lost in America.
Platoon -- Me Oliver Stone. You moviegoer. Vietnam War bad. Drugs good. Me Important Filmmaker. Me use Samuel Barber. Me use slow motion. Me make Willem Dafoe die in slow motion to Adagio for Strings. Vietnam War bad. [Whack!] Very very bad. [Whack!] Bad bad bad. [Whack!] Moviegoer say "Uncle!" now?
Pulp Fiction -- I have lots of issues with this movie, but maybe its least forgivable sin is that it's an utter snorefest.
Ditto for Unforgiven. Remove Unforgiven and replace with Dirty Harry. Yes, I mean it.
That does it. Trying to remember the plots of Pulp Fiction and Unforgiven has acted as a soporific. I'm going to bed.
I know these lists are meaningless, but somehow they're a heckuva lot of fun to talk about. Without further ado, I offer some random observations about the new A.F.I. list of American cinema's 100 greatest movies.
The other movies, besides Titanic, that I'd excise from the list completely:
2001: A Space Odyssey -- Umm, that's interesting. Those apes are freaking out to Richard Strauss. Hey look, that one just threw something into space. Now there are some uninteresting people, and Johann Strauss this time, and a soft-voiced computer, and . . . Cchhhhh, wheeeeee, ccchhhhhhh, wheeeee . . Wh--, What?! Oh, ahem, sorry. What did I miss?
Apocalypse Now -- Beautiful cinematography. A mess of a story. Coppola doesn't really understand Heart of Darkness. Mistah Brando. He crazy. Gotta love Robert Duvall, though. Nobody struts and preens on a battlefield like Robert Duvall.
West Side Story -- Nice music. Nice dancing. As Stephen Sondheim himself observed in another of his musicals, "Nice is different than good."
The Deer Hunter -- Isn't there only one scene that anyone remembers from this movie?
Network -- Why is Network so overrated? I don't know, but I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!
A Clockwork Orange -- A real knee-slapper of a rape scene in this one. Stanley Kubrick is outrageously overrepresented on this list, yet the list-makers missed the one Kubrick movie -- with the exception, perhaps, of Dr. Strangelove -- that deserves to be on it.
Tootsie -- Ummmm . . . I can't think of anything interesting enough to mock.
The Shawshank Redemption -- What's the deal with this movie? It was nice enough, I suppose, but seriously . . . is there some weird Shawshank cult out there that has infiltrated A.F.I.? Are they like Scientologists? Will the partisans of Shawshank try to sue me and have my blog shut down?
The Silence of the Lambs -- Not half as creepy or as well made as, say, The Night of the Hunter or the original Cape Fear, neither of which appears on the list. Go figure.
Easy Rider -- Hippie "art." It reminds me of macrame plant hangers. It should be replaced by Lost in America.
Platoon -- Me Oliver Stone. You moviegoer. Vietnam War bad. Drugs good. Me Important Filmmaker. Me use Samuel Barber. Me use slow motion. Me make Willem Dafoe die in slow motion to Adagio for Strings. Vietnam War bad. [Whack!] Very very bad. [Whack!] Bad bad bad. [Whack!] Moviegoer say "Uncle!" now?
Pulp Fiction -- I have lots of issues with this movie, but maybe its least forgivable sin is that it's an utter snorefest.
Ditto for Unforgiven. Remove Unforgiven and replace with Dirty Harry. Yes, I mean it.
That does it. Trying to remember the plots of Pulp Fiction and Unforgiven has acted as a soporific. I'm going to bed.
posted by Kate Marie | 1:33 AM | Permalink
|
3 comments
3 Comments:
How about "Citizen Kane?" Welles should have jumped straight to hocking cheap wine. Or "On the Waterfront?" Boy meets girl, boy loves girl, boy gets the crap beaten out of him to defend truth and justice- Boring! "Gone with the Wind?" "Breaks with the Wind," more like!
Madman, Citizen Kane *is* too high on the list. I'd put it lower and "On the Waterfront" higher.
. . . and I like GWTW, but I loved your descrption of GWTW!
Post a Comment
<< Home